Tag: littlebeejanddin

Mothering Monica: Year 10

This year is all about turning the pages and getting ready for another chapter of you.

I remember your first day in Grade 4. You were so positive and excited, setting your goals so clearly and telling yourself that you can achieve them. You were once again elected as class president, something that made me happy because even though you’re not the super friendly type, your classmates know that you are responsible and firm when needed.

I remember this year as the year I allowed you to use your iPad, with the condition that it would only be for chatting and calling your bestie Oona and playing games with no private chats involved. I was hesitant at first because you were almost gadget-free for the past eight years. But I remember choosing to trust you and allowing you to self-regulate, something you need as you grow-up.

I remember seeing you so happy and giddy, sharing stories with your friend on days when classes were cancelled or shifted online because of storms and typhoons. I can clearly remember how your eyes lit up when you giggled and laughed so hard.

I remember observing if it was the same when the two of you were together offline, and I am happy to say that it was. I remember bringing you two out on dates multiple times this year and just watching the two of you enjoy each other’s company.

I remember hanging out with our dear friends almost every two weeks this past year. I hope it showed you that friendships can go beyond school and that making time for people we love is important.

I remember starting corporate work again after almost a decade, only to quit because it required me to be onsite on days when you needed me at home. Without question, I left and stood firm in my decision that you and Daddy come first.

I remember this year when I did not have regular work and it made me question my choices more than once. On days when I pity myself, I look at you and suddenly my worries go away. You will always hug me and thank me for raising you. I remember your Daddy assuring me every single time that I should not worry about not having work.

I remember this year when you had your piano and voice recital. More than the performance, it was the process and the lessons that stayed with you. You were disappointed not because you were off-key or you made a slight mistake, but because you knew you could have practiced more. I think that taught you that effort and hard work bring results.

I remember this year when you were chosen to join quiz bees and contests. I may not have shown it, but every time you competed, my heart raced nonstop. Of course I always wanted you to win, but deep inside, what I really hoped for was that you would learn. Learn that wins bring confidence, and losses build character. Both are equally important in shaping you as a person. I was just so happy that you got to experience both winning and losing.

I remember you joining the student publication club. Your works were published, your efforts recognized. You also got to attend a journalism summit outside school, which I honestly think is pretty cool.

I remember how happy you were when Jeorgia was born. You finally had your own cousin, and as she grows up, I can see how much happier you become whenever you play with her.

I remember us fighting more often this year, especially on days when I could not manage my own triggers. You are definitely much braver now when it comes to standing up for yourself. Something I admire and dread at the same time.

I remember hormones taking over on some days. You really are entering the next phase. You were always hungry, sometimes grumpy. You have grown so much this year that your baby features are slowly starting to fade.

I remember our winter trip to Japan. It was truly a memorable one as we experienced snow for the first time. It felt so surreal to finally play with snow. But more than that, it’s magical experiencing many things as a family, especially those we did not have growing up.

We realized how much Japan has truly captured us that Daddy booked another trip for spring. It was such magic seeing you so happy. I cannot thank your Daddy enough for allowing us to experience things like this.

I remember your Grandma’s 60th birthday. You said she looked really beautiful.

I remember supporting your BFF in her singing contest. Last year, you competed with her. This year, you clapped from the sidelines.

I remember you finishing the school year with your primary goal achieved: getting the Highest Honors award. We were beaming with pride because we knew that’s what you wanted, and we knew you did everything you could to attain it. What made it even special was that you were the only recipient of that award. You are truly a bright child, bias aside.

I remember us going on a 3D2N camping trip right after recognition day, the perfect way to celebrate the end of the school year. We were with our treasured friends and every hour was spent playing, laughing, and eating.

I remember our spring trip and how we explored the other side of Japan. Traveling with you and Daddy is such a joy. We got to eat, walk a lot, shop, ride the Shinkansen, and simply admire the beauty of spring. It was also a great time spent with your Ninang Nica and Ninong Alvin—two people I can entrust you to. Mind you, there are not many people I would trust you with. 🙂

I remember how happy pigeons made you. Oh how we intentionally looked for pigeons anywhere we go just so you will be happy.

I remember us going to Boracay with friends for the first time. Another fun and memorable experience because traveling with just us three is nice, but having good company is even better. So happy it happened on Mother’s Day. It made me appreciate motherhood even more.

I remember so many beautiful things this past year, and I am sure you will keep them in your heart too.

Today, as I write this, I can’t believe I am at a loss for words. A day before your birthday, and all I can think about are the days we spent together these past ten years.

Time did go by so fast.

So fast that I can still hear your baby giggles. I can still feel your tight little hugs. I remember the different versions of you, but I also remember the different versions of me trying to raise the different stages of you.

I don’t think I could ever have the perfect words to describe how I am feeling now that you are ten.

Anak, happiest birthday to you.

The next few months will be a mix of changes and challenges, and not much on the familiar side. But Mommy and Daddy will always be here, watching you, supporting you, and holding your hand when needed.

Go and enjoy this next stage of your life.

I am excited to meet the tween version of you.

We love you very much.

Din BautistaLeave a comment

“It seems that I don’t need you for that anymore.”

Some days, I want her to grow up so she can do more things on her own. But most days, I just want her to stay little and need me a little more.

It’s been a week since Monica started to wash on her own every after bathroom business. I can’t count how many times I asked when will she be able to do it. Not that I want to rush things, but just so she won’t bother me when I am asleep, at work, or simply resting.

Lazy mama you must say, but yes. I have days when I don’t really want to function as a mother. 

One Sunday, when I was napping and Beej was in a meeting (he has Sunday work), Monica woke me up because she wanted to poop. Awoken from a very rare nap, I snapped and her and said “I hate that my sleep is now interrupted! Don’t talk to me first! Let me rest!” I know, I know, too bad of me. I felt guilty after and explained why I got mad.

Almost the same scenario happened again, but this time, Monica did not wake me up. She waited for her daddy’s meeting to finish before calling him even if it meant waiting in the toilet for 30 minutes. I asked why she had to wait, “I don’t want to disturb your sleep, mommy.” My heart was crushed. 

A few days after this incident, she asked me to teach her how to wash herself. So I taught her; showed her how to use the bidet, soap, and so on. At first I was so excited and proud. She learned fast and she seemed to enjoy doing things on her own. Until last night when I decided to secretly watch her wash.

She seemed uncomfortable; imagine, a small built trying to reach the bidet, the soap, while making sure her shirt won’t get wet. It took a long time for her to finish. But as soon as done, she ran to me and shared how she did it as usual. That’s when I cried.

Monica: Mommy why are you crying?

Mommy: Why are you washing your pwet on your own already??

Monica: It seems that I don’t need you for that anymore

Mommy: ????

Monica:

Oh no don’t cry mommy! I still need you in learning new things. I still need you to take care of me.?

I am sorry for being emotional but it really made me cry. Now I wanted to do all things for her but I know I shouldn’t. No matter how much I stop or delay, this stage will come. I felt guilty for being so lazy but at the same time, I know it was needed.

Haaaaaay. My baby who used to be so clingy and needy is now a big girl. Haaaaaaay. BRB crying again.???

Din BautistaLeave a comment

Mothering Monica: Year Four

The words you say now all make sense; you express what you feel, you say what you want. What a feisty yet sweet little girl you are turning to be.

I remember your first day in school as an official student, not “saling-pusa” anymore. I was nervous but you were confident – happy and excited. Never a trace of separation anxiety.

I remember celebrating your 3rd birthday in school which you vividly remember till this day – the Jollibee chickenjoy, the Red Ribbon cake with traffic signs as toppers, the birthday song from your classmates.

I remember feeling a bit frustrated because you never liked doodling, coloring, or even touching your pencil. I remember feeling a bit jealous about other kids your age because they color oh so fine. But I remember stopping myself from feeling the pressure and instead wait for you to be ready. I remember you writing on your own a month after your 3rd birthday. And you did it without any help at all. I remember that day so well; you held your pencil and paper and wrote the word CHEESE — just copying what you saw from a chips wrapper.

I remember feeling so ecstatic because you finally learned how to write. And since that day, you were unstoppable. You hated tracing letters and numbers but were always game to write freestyle.

I remember the first time you read sight words. You were 3 years and 2 months old. I purposely did not mind it because I know kids tend to memorize fast especially words they are familiar with. But deep inside, I remember feeling so proud. I remember you finally reading for real at 3 years and 6 months — from simple sentences to long paragraphs. I remember you reading 5 books a night and you just won’t stop. I remember getting a lot of questions from others on how we taught you how to read and all I could say was “we just let her.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9fyfUGnhAj/?utm_medium=copy_link

    I remember all the school activities we attended. You became more confident in front of many people. You were not scared to dance and sing. You were not a very assertive child but you know how to express how you feel and what you want. I remember you being friendly to almost anyone you played with. I remember you being sensitive when someone is happy or sad.

    I remember taking you out to a lot of Mommy and Monica dates. We would eat out, play around, window shop, try on clothes, ride Grab or jeepney together. You and I were always together. I remember going to the coffee shop with you; I will finish my article and you will color and play on your own. I remember bringing you to palengke or supermarket and you will just smile ‘to people we’ve come across with. I remember taking you to events, you would just behave and let mommy “work” while you play.

    I remember having a much longer time for myself whenever I go out because I can already leave you with daddy without you making a fuss. I remember you being okay not to breastfeed for a max of 6 hours and just play with daddy the whole time.

    I remember how our family would always go to the mall, but this time, no more stroller or carrier for you. I remember you walking in the mall like a big girl already. I remember bringing you to toy stores and allowing you to play but not buying everything you want. And I remember you being okay with that. I remember bringing you to the cinema. I remember the Frozen fever. I remember family dates, either just us three, or with another family.

    I remember this year, we have successfully eliminated the use of gadget after almost a year of being a slave to it. It was not a good influence at all so we decided to cut it out completely and the result was amazing. You’ve never thrown a tantrum, your focus improved, and your imagination was superb.

    I remember so many accomplishments and milestones this year and so are the kulit and away moments. You’re still a child and sometimes you test my patience so bad. But I remember you saying you love me as if I never shouted at you. You would still embrace me even after getting into a fight with you.

    I remember having so many plans for the summer and your 4th birthday but the pandemic happened. The great outdoors suddenly became a threat to people especially to kids like you. I remember feeling bad about this but we had no choice but follow. We maximized what we have inside our small home. Every corner was utilized just so you not feel left out. Thankfully, you understood what’s going on but my heart still aches because we want you to have fun outside. All of a sudden, we’re forced to stay home and not meet our families and friends. It was hard for adults, more so for kids. I felt like you were robbed of your childhood but you thrived. You never whined, you never complained. You went with the flow. That’s how you maintained your glow.

    I remember this year when I thought it was all just about read and write, but with the things that happened, you proved that you’re more than just that. And in just a snap, we will be entering Year Five.

    Din BautistaLeave a comment

    Mothering Monica: Year Two

    The newborn and infant stage went by quickly; one day you were rolling over, the next day you are everywhere.

    “You can do it, Monica!” “Wow anak!” “What is this?” “Let me video you, anak. Can you say it again?” These are the words I remember saying in the whole toddler stage. Too many milestones, too many moments to cherish and keep in my heart. I may not recall all, but I have ones I’ll keep to my core.

    I remember when you first walked, you were confident and fearless. It’s a moment your daddy and I will never forget. We both witnessed it and fortunately, documented it, too. It was a joy to watch you explore, tumble, and got back up on your own.

      I remember you going up and down the bed with no help at all. I remember all your movements here and there, under and over. I remember the first time you went down the playground slide alone; my heart skipped a beat because I was too worried you’ll get hurt. But I remember not showing you how scared I was and just cheered you on. I remember the smile you gave me after as if you’re telling me “Mommy, I did it on my own!”

      I remember talking to you every hour of the day; describing almost everything we see, hear, and feel. I remember how your words turned into phrases and later on turned into sentences. I remember you playing around with your books and pointing at each object you see. I remember your daddy reading books to you day in day out. I remember when you learned about letters, numbers, shapes, and colors. I remember feeling proud because “wow our daughter is so smart.”

      I remember the first time you said “I love you”. It was music to my ears. I remember you enjoying Disney songs your daddy lovingly sang to you.

      I remember the first time you used your imagination to play. I remember you choosing cars over dolls. I remember you getting fascinated with anything that moves. I remember you finding joy in watching baby shows.

      I remember bringing you to playgrounds – indoor and outdoor. I remember having play dates. I remember you having fun with your “friends” and us parents, having fun, too! I remember meeting up my friends with you in tow. I remember going to the salon with you in a baby carrier. I remember doing everything with you in my arms.

      I remember buying so many dresses and shoes for you. I remember spending Php2000 for your pair of shoes and yet spending Php300 for myself seemed a hard decision to make. Lol. I remember getting excited about our matchy clothes. I remember the first moments we went out in twinning outfits and have our photos taken by daddy. I remember our smiles — even if you probably did not understand.

      I remember going on trips with you. We never had a helper and it was always just you, daddy, and I whenever we go malling or go to places. I remember bringing almost all our stuff when we went out of town. I remember bringing a bulky bag and a baby carrier each time. I remember bringing you to the grandparents and I remember the joy and smile on their faces. I remember the first jeepney and tricycle ride; the multiple Grab and Uber rides because we didn’t have a car.

      I remember working at night after I put you to sleep only for you to wake up and continue sleeping on my lap.

      I remember not just the beautiful days but also those that made me scream in exhaustion. I remember being SO SO SO stressed because you never liked eating. I remember being so envious of kids your age eating like a true champion whenever I saw them on social media. I remember trying every method I learned in feeding you; offering every food I came cross with. I remember being hard on myself, blaming myself for raising a picky-eater child. I was so down because all you wanted was to breastfeed from me and not eat anything I wanted you to eat. I remember all those days when I thought I was not doing good enough.

      I remember your daddy and I finally getting better at adjusting as a married couple with a kid. I remember appreciating all his efforts instead of competing with him. I remember being resentful on days that I was so tired without acknowledging the long hours he put into his work, too. But I also remember the day when I finally realized that we are both doing our best. I remember praising your daddy for his efforts and I remember him praising me more.

      Year Two was all about discovery, milestones, acknowledgements, and lessons. It’s a manifestation of God’s love in letting us witness a life so precious unfold each day. And in just a blink of an eye, Year Three is saying “hi!”

      Din BautistaLeave a comment

      Happy 3rd Birthday Monica

      #DearMonica

      Happy 3rd birthday anak!

      Celebrating you today and everyday as you’ve been a constant source of joy and pride to your daddy and I. Forever you will be, remember that.

      It’s been three years of being with you 24/7. I guess I have taught you a lot of things but you have no idea how much I’ve changed because of what I learned from you.

      You taught me how to do multiple things all at once and even though I get tired often, I get things done. All because of you. Because you are the reminder that I have to go on.

      I know I lose my cool often and sometimes I forget that you are just a child but you’ve never shown me remorse, instead, you still cling to me and look at me as if I am the only one you need.

      Anak, they say I make motherhood look so easy, but they don’t know it’s all you who makes it look and feel that way.♥️

      Daddy and I love you so much anak.

      Love,
      Mommy

      Din BautistaLeave a comment

      #DearMonica

      #DearMonica,
      A year ago, I gave birth to you. For one whole year, I breastfed you, nourished you, took care of you 24/7. There were times that I cried because of exhaustion, depression, and loneliness. You see, motherhood is something new to me. And I am learning everyday. And though I prepared for this, I feel that I am still lost at times.
      Anak, it’s not easy but you are worth it. All the sleepless nights, body pains, messy days, and more are nothing compared to the happiness you bring to our lives.
      Yes I gave birth to you. But you have also given birth to a better version of myself. I never thought I could do the things I am doing, now that I am mother. Anak this is the best of me, this is my happiest. I know it’s only been a year but it feels more than that.
      Thank you for all your smiles and giggles. For your contagious laughter and sweet hugs. Thank you for your kisses.
      Happy 1st Birthday, our Monica.
      I love you anak, sobra.
      Love,
      Mommy, 24 June 2017
       
      PS: I would not have survived the first year if not for a very supportive and loving husband and daddy. I love you Beejay.
       
      19449456_490724941288429_1331883924_o

      Din BautistaLeave a comment