Mommy Body

“Ano ba yan, nanay na nanay ka na”
“Huy kelan ka ba papayat?”
“Ang laki mo na ah”
So annoying right? Yeah I heard those lines from people and I was really offended. They may not mean it but it made me really insecure. Hello I was not really payat to begin with! Haha. It’s okay naman to joke around – it’s just that, for a stay at home mommy who does not have time for herself, this really hurts. I know it’s a matter of perspective, but still, it hurts.
I did not gain a lot. Maarte lang talaga ako. Plus people expect mommies to be in good shape agad nowadays. Thanks to Social Media for being so unrealistic. Haha. Trend na ngayon na dapat payat agad.
Seriously speaking – it is insensitive to ask a mother to lose weight right away. Especially if you have no idea what she has been through or what she’s going through. Try mo kaya mag-alaga ng bata 24/7 while doing house chores? Haha.
I guess what I wanted to say is, stop body shaming of any kind. It’s just not good. And as for me, I am praying to just take these things constructively so I can improve myself. Afterall, I think they mean well. Sensitive lang talaga ako. Hahaha.
PS: My husband keeps on reassuring me that I am beautiful and not fat. So, kebs. Chos! Hehe 😀

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Breastfeeding Journey

Today is exactly 10 months and 10 days of exclusively and directly breastfeeding Monica. While I believe that FED is BEST, I think I still deserve a pat on the back for reaching this far and for wanting for more.
Breastfeeding my child was and is the ONLY option I want. Primarily because I was breastfed (and my mommy kept on sharing stories about it) and formula feeding was not really something I have knowledge about.
When Monica first latched on me, I knew there was milk and it was enough. That’s the only thing I entertained and it never crossed my mind that I’ll have  a problem breastfeeding her. Mighty power of positive thinking I must say. I only had issues on the 3rd day when I felt my nipple was so sore and my breast suddenly became so engorged. I thought Monica was just feeding so excessively and aggressively, boy I was wrong. Her latch was incorrect, thanks to MMC’s Lactation Consultant who did rounds that day and saved my sanity. Haha. She taught me the correct one and that moment, all the pain went away.
I was so thankful it was corrected right before we were discharged. It made our journey a little bit easier than some. <3
I tried introducing the bottle  on Monica’s 4th month but she refused it. So I decided to just feed her directly. We are together 24/7 – I bring her with me anywhere and everywhere. We would go to the mall together, I will try to fit clothes while she looks at me, seated on the fitting room chair (not for so long as lately, she would just crawl and stand up haha). I would bring her with me while having dinner or coffee with friends.
So ME time’s really not applicable. Haha. And even though it’s tiring, I wouldn’t still trade it for anything. I gave up my career for now to take care of her, so bakit di ko pa sagarin diba? Haha.
One more thing – breastfeeding does not cost a thing! Well except if I request for a new dress or crave for so many food. Haha. In a way it helps my pride knowing that I cannot contribute financially – well at least I make my baby healthy with zero money involved. hahaha.
The only thing I don’t like is – it makes me so hungry all the time! I lost my pregnancy weight 2 months post partum but I gained 1-2kgs on the 5th month! So hard to lose weight! #mommyissues
But still…
I love breastfeeding. It gives me a sense of pride especially with the bond that Monica and I have. So thankful that things are looking good in our journey. <3

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Baby Blues: It's Real

Monica’s perfect in our eyes. As first time parents, we were really excited to show her to world. We had visitors, we were active in social media, and we talked about our baby non-stop. I was advised to have a complete rest. I did not listen.
On the 5th day, we went home. And that’s when it has sunk in. Our lives have changed for real. It was really hard for me to move, carry Monica, and find a position to nurse her. My mom stayed with us that night. She did our laundry, cooked for us, and cleaned our place.
The morning after, she had to go home and that’s when I started crying. I cried because of deeper respect and love for my own mother.
I cried every single day for one whole week. I cried because Monica refused to sleep at night, fussy and gassy. I cried because I cannot do the things I used to do. I cried because I felt I was so alone. I cried because I wanted to be with my mother – meaning, I want my old life. I cried because I wanted Monica inside my tummy again.  I cried because I was really tired and all I wanted was to sleep for 4 days straight. I cried because of a lot of things. And I was told it’s NORMAL.
BUT Beej, Monica, and I managed to get thru – with just the 3 of us physically and our parents/friends virtually. Haha. During Beej’s paternity leave, he would do all household chores while I recover and take care of Monica. It got better. We got used to it. Hoooray.
As they say, “the struggle is real”. It was so damn real. And worth it. <3

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