Monica’s perfect in our eyes. As first time parents, we were really excited to show her to world. We had visitors, we were active in social media, and we talked about our baby non-stop. I was advised to have a complete rest. I did not listen.
On the 5th day, we went home. And that’s when it has sunk in. Our lives have changed for real. It was really hard for me to move, carry Monica, and find a position to nurse her. My mom stayed with us that night. She did our laundry, cooked for us, and cleaned our place.
The morning after, she had to go home and that’s when I started crying. I cried because of deeper respect and love for my own mother.
I cried every single day for one whole week. I cried because Monica refused to sleep at night, fussy and gassy. I cried because I cannot do the things I used to do. I cried because I felt I was so alone. I cried because I wanted to be with my mother – meaning, I want my old life. I cried because I wanted Monica inside my tummy again. I cried because I was really tired and all I wanted was to sleep for 4 days straight. I cried because of a lot of things. And I was told it’s NORMAL.
BUT Beej, Monica, and I managed to get thru – with just the 3 of us physically and our parents/friends virtually. Haha. During Beej’s paternity leave, he would do all household chores while I recover and take care of Monica. It got better. We got used to it. Hoooray.
As they say, “the struggle is real”. It was so damn real. And worth it. <3
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